I Am the King of the Common Cold – and I'm Able to Reveal How to Avoid One

At this point last year, I ended up participating in a broadcast alongside three vocalists. Present were a rapper of Ghanaian heritage, a big pop star, and a famous mezzo-soprano. The coldest season was upon us. The previous evening, I’d been at an old friend’s 60th birthday, squeezed into a pub's event space somewhere in Surrey. It had been a good night, yet now, to break the silence, I pondered ways to dodge the common cold when half the people at the party were players in a symphony of coughs, sneezes, snuffles and nose-blows. On a side note, what explains the trumpet-like nose blows, while others are quieter? A question for another day.

The Reaction of the Three Performers

At mention of my night out, this trio of troubadours in the TV green room took two actions. Firstly, they edged away from me. Secondly, they launched into an animated conversation regarding ways to stay cold-free and this understandable due to their profession was almost an obsession. I get that, yet I'm personally involved – I need to dodge colds no matter what because the colds I get are worse than anyone else’s. I lack official documentation, yet I'm certain it's factual. My illnesses drag on. My nose is more blocked, my throat feels rougher, I suffer from louder, more relentless coughing spells. My family, wise to the couple of quick throat-clearances which herald the coming storm, often shoo me away or evacuate the area. When I worked as a sports broadcaster, my teammates behind the scenes became familiar with the indicators. “Earpieces out!” the director would shout to his team to avoid auditory overload, damaging their headset equipment.

Handling Blocked Noses

When it comes to congestion, don’t start me. Sprays, drops, even the electric shock of fumes of boiling plum brandy my mom advocates … they help briefly before admitting defeat. It's hard to find something more pathetic as the sound of a Birmingham accent spoken without the benefit of air passing through the nostrils. That is, it's somewhat nasal on a good day. Fortunately, this often brings compassion, which isn't ideal. During my initial university year, away from my mum and her medicinal brandy, the janitor in our dorm took pity on me. “I know exactly what you need, you unfortunate soul. Be right back.” She was wonderfully sweet, very Irish, and adamant that I consume the fresh, skinless onion she presented to me. She observed me eating it. Goodness gracious. Didn’t achieve anything, sadly, other than causing digestive turmoil and leaving my breath foul.

The Mezzo-Soprano’s Cold Avoidance Regime

Therefore, I loathe winter illnesses and am quite sure that prevention is better than the cures which traditional or modern, don’t work. I focused carefully along with the rapper and the pop star when the mezzo-soprano walked us through her cold avoidance regime. Due to upcoming holiday performances, she approached it with great diligence. She commanded us to use hand gel hourly during the cold months based on her explanation in addition, extra steps were needed when it came to parties and what not. Ahead of any such engagement, she advised several sprays of Vicks First Defence through the nasal passages – even if healthy. Drastic. I like it. And, get this, she required a repeat application after the party with another couple of squirts of the solution.

My Experience

I was in. And I can report I didn't sniffle all winter. It wasn't perfect: the numerous products I purchased, mislaid, reacquired, found, etc. And that dispiriting moment finding you've squashed the gel bottle kept in your jeans and it's oozing out. However, all a price worth paying. And now winter’s upon us again, I'm fully prepared with her prevention arsenal. I'm set for the fight.